Visit our Privacy Policy for more info. Money talks: mine always says is goodbye. Intelligence is like an underwear. 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer’s 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes Why do bees hum? Keep Laughing Forever with these Funny One Liner Jokes! Hello friends. “I don’t want to be part of a club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx, “Does my wife think I’m a control freak? The one-liner jokes will surely crack you up – you are bound to laugh as hard as you have never done before. (Burt Reynolds) Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. “It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.” – Jack Handey. 11 Clean One Liner Jokes “Money talks. Funny One-Liner Jokes. Born free, taxed to death. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. A termite walks into the bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”. I haven’t decided yet.” – Stewart Francis, “The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.” – Jay Leno, “I have a lot of growing up to do. Use these quotes of single line to enjoy your craziness in life. Smoking will kill you… Bacon will kill you… And yet, smoking bacon will cure it. It sure takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do. I am originally from Indiana. "The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. Aug 21, 2020 - Explore D Weber's board "One Liner" on Pinterest. At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted? Here are some One Liner Hospital Jokes items I have now: Doctor's office: All our records are electronic now just fill out these 12 forms. I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems — the first thing he did was make me pay in advance. She had mittens. One says: ‘How do you drive this thing? Where there’s a will, there’s a relative. I at a clock yesterday… it was very time-consuming. One Liner Jokes Laugh-inducing one liners! - Steve Bluestone 4. For Sale: Parachute. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. The best of word play jokes, one liner jokes, short jokes, and puns I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. I don’t have an attitude problem. Q: What did the … Married man one liner joke. Animal testing is a terrible idea — they get all nervous and give the wrong answers, “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. 2. All types of jokes are available here like one-liner jokes, funny dirty jokes, photos with jokes, and memes with jokes. I had an “hourglass” figure, but then the sand shifted. I gave him a glass of water. One difference between men and women is that when a woman says "smell this", it usually smells nice. One Liner Jokes These jokes have been available for a while at the bottom of each page, selected at random. Always borrow money from a pessimist; they’ll never expect it back. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. Give me the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk. The best one-line jokes are puns, sarcasm, and truisms that catch you off guard, offer a quick laugh, and allow you to see the humor in the everyday happenings of life. Funny One Liner Jokes. I didn’t like my beard at first, but it grew on me. “Alright lads, a giant fly is attacking the police station. Always borrow money from a pessimist. Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright before they open their mouth. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis, “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.” – George Carlin, “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.” – Rodney Dangerfield. I’m skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day — that’s a bit of a stretch. I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that. Tweet on Twitter Share on Facebook Google+ Pinterest. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!” — Rodney Dangerfield, “I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.”— Rodney Dangerfield. I gave him a glass of water. Check out these 15 Funniest One Liner Jokes we have found for you. 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