Your email address will not be published. Being. Not long before Charlottesville, I had another moment where I didn’t know what to say. I don't know what to say, but I want you to know that I love you and want to help you carry your pain." If you aren’t sure how to respond to terrible news, letting the person know you are here for anything they need is a very supportive response. Realize that you don’t always have to have the best answer or say the … If you’re talkative like me, it is awkward when you don’t have the right words. What to say or do when you don’t know what to say or do: Show empathy, and do it simply. This has opened up the conversation to their career, and now you’re on a roll. It turns out that the tech-savvy PhD was in a job that required her to represent the department in senior-level executive meetings where it had been deemed acceptable—even encouraged—to interru… Then complimenting someone’s eyes or smile is typically a safe bet. This link will open in a new window. “I can answer that in part, but would like to consider it further and get back to you." Like ‘thank yous,’ ‘sorrys’ can be quite awkward. I once spoke with a woman who was truly an expert in her field—the only engineer on her software team with a PhD. Discover what you'll need to consider when planning, or attending, ... The last thing you want to do is say something inappropriate or awkward. This is meeting our own needs at that moment. Even if you’re not surprised, you may be wondering if what you’re saying is helpful or appropriate. By thanking someone for taking time out of their busy schedule, you are acknowledging that their time is valuable. I felt this way a few weeks ago after the horrific events of Charlottesville. Philippians 1:9-11 is a prayer for love, wisdom, and hope. Personally, the Bible has been a source of incredible comfort to me. Remember to take a deep breath before you reach for one of these phrases. If you are a supervisor and are meeting with a team member, this is a great way to start. Here are 10 things you can say when you don’t know what to say (and even when you don’t agree with what the other person is doing): God loves you and that will never change. Sometimes we can easily throw a common cliché or pat answer at someone else’s pain. While it’s great to use the words of others, we need to be careful. BODY. We press into it. When we don’t know what to say, it’s easy to pull back. If you’re meeting someone for the first time, don’t pretend to be perfect. It is even more important with an apology to be simple, succinct, and sincere. It’s a good idea to talk about an accessory rather than their appearance so it doesn’t come off as creepy or send the wrong message. Don’t play pretend with this one. Don’t grovel, but do be specific. 31 thoughts on “ 6 loving mantras to say when you don’t know what to say ” Andrew Budek-Schmeisser February 8, 2016 at 12:07 pm. In fact, sometimes it’s best to be slow with my words – my initial thoughts and words are often not going to be helpful. If you’re meeting someone for the first time, don’t pretend to be perfect. “There are no words to express what you must be going through. Not knowing what to say, we don’t pick up the phone or pay a visit when someone we know has suffered a devastating loss or a loved one is enduring an incapacitating illness. The GYST.com website is no longer available for use. P is for PRAISE. This is simple, loving, and to the point. He quoted Genesis 3:19 saying that we … This is a sincere, but not over the top way to thank your colleague, boss, or client for their help with something. People love talking about their pets. Plus, if you are having some reservations, more information might be just what you need to change your tune or consider how you want to broach a difficult conversation later on. The importance of story grows in how we lead and live. All you need is for the other person to say some small detail about their life related to the weather, and you’ve got a conversation starter. It’s ok to not know what to say. There can be a lot of pressure in a professional setting to speak and act in a certain way. The most important thing you can remind yourself when you’re not sure what to say is that you don’t have to say the ‘perfect’ or ‘right’ thing. Start Being Observant. Recognize it. Betterment is our new leadership calling, removing self-centeredness and finding ways to be a better leader to create a better business and society. “This is the best news I’ve heard all day!”, 13. Don’t run from someone’s pain. When Words Don’t Come. Eric Torrence was born in the early 80s and grew up during the time of Apple 2Es, Oregon Trail, Saved by the Bell, and the birth of the Internet. 13 Online Will Makers Compared: Which is Best for You. Don’t lead with something risqué. It’s also problematic when we try to compare someone’s painful situation to something we’ve been through. Leaders are called to move into difficult situations. Sometimes the potential awkwardness leads us not to engage at all, which is a problem. You are doing a great job caring for your _____. What to Say When You Aren’t Sure What to Say After a Tragedy or Death, What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say After Someone Delivers Good News, What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say in a Professional Setting or Interview, What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say When You’re With New Friends or Strangers. If you think saying something funny will go over well, go for it! Many times when … We always want to put our best foot forward when it comes to our careers. @austinkleon Another what to say when you don't know what to say: this one comes from my beloved thesis advisor. Okay, we know weather-small-talk is so cliche, but hear us out. When we don’t know what to say, it’s easy to pull back. “How did you get involved with this event?”, Being curious is a great way to respond in a way that takes the pressure off of saying the right thing. Ephesians 6:10-12. So you’ve accepted your anxiety and gotten your thoughts on track, but how … Try this one instead of offering cliche responses such as, ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘they’re in a better place.’ Saying that your heart is broken for them offers empathy and might help them feel less alone. This will make them feel seen, show that you’re interested in talking to them, and give them a topic to share. The exception for this might be if you’re on a date. There are many situations in life where you may find yourself caught off guard and at a. . Plus, you can find out a bit more about them. This one also works if you are meeting a friend’s significant other for the first time. Maybe they say, “I know! It works if you are thanking someone for interviewing you, mentoring you, supporting you with a project, or considering becoming your client. This is a good one to have at the ready anytime somebody takes time to meet with you. Share in their enthusiasm with a warm exclamation. Listening actually does involve saying something. I have friends who live in a special apartment complex in my city. The most important thing you can remind yourself when you’re not sure what to say is that you don’t have to say the ‘perfect’ or ‘right’ thing. If this news is a big deal in their life, they’ll always remember your initial reaction. You’re letting them know that their good news is your good news! A friend suddenly lost a child. Be Natural! .’ Saying that your heart is broken for them offers empathy and might help them feel less alone. After Charlottesville, President Obama tweeted a quote from Nelson Mandela, who said, “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin or his background or his religion. Time to end all blogs, or at least, take a month off from publishing anything. It’s easy, just remember the word PRAY. The process to develop a leadership philosophy may vary by individual. But, often that comfort comes over time and with careful reflection. -- I have a request to make. Don’t try to make me feel better. This link will open in a new window. People, 27. Don’t say something silly out of nerves. Try this one instead of offering cliche responses such as, ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘they’re in a. To aspire is to rise up to a great plan, an abundant hope of fulfilling a worthwhile mission. Here are some ideas of things to say in different scenarios you may find yourself in during an interview or in your workplace. Let’s speak up against hate, comfort those who hurt, and be present to help how we can. I’ve found I don’t need to be quick with the right words, but I do need to be quick with my presence. So, how do you pray when you don’t know what say? There are some moments when I just don’t know what to say. I’ve found I don’t need to be quick with the right words, but I do need to be q… Curiosity is a wonderful attribute for good conversation. I actually need to grieve. “Thank you for taking the time out of your schedule to meet with me.”, 22. It’s always good to hide any non-joyous feelings that may come up for you — whether it’s doubt, concern, or even a touch of envy. https://www.morrissett.com/blog/what-to-say-when-you-dont-know-what-to-say If you are meeting someone for the first time, and they have a pet with them, this is a great way to engage in conversation. Here are some ideas you can always expound upon. Start with some variation of it’s ‘nice to meet you,’ and see if they’ll return the sentiment and initiate more conversation. The easiest way to say something during difficulty is to reflect back what we’ve heard and recognized the feelings being expressed by those who are hurting. People want to be acknowledged and feel support, it can feel vulnerable to post something about ourselves, sometimes there aren’t words to help, but showing up is what’s most important. Say what you are apologizing for and then pause to leave space and time to listen to their response. I know when I’m hurting, I need the thoughtful words and caring presence of good friends. One Sunday morning a preacher was making the point that death is a natural part of the life cycle. Your sincere concern and your presence supports me, and that is the most valuable thing you … GYST was acquired by Cake in 2019. Linked In. We probably know this from experience, where someone with the right heart said the wrong thing to us. Sometimes we can do unintended damage. I got soaked on my way to work today!” You can ask if they take public transportation to work and discuss that. Even when we don't know what to say or do, we can speak up and simply state, "My heart is breaking for you. As a social worker, I often face situations where I don’t know what to say. We don’t run from brokenness. If you are struggling with what to say when your visit is over, instead of saying ‘I’ll see you next week,” say “until next time” or ”until we see each other again.” What to Say to a Family Member. Being interested makes people interesting! We don’t run from brokenness. Be present. The best conversationalists don’t know it all, they are curious. It’s a good idea to have a more in-depth conversation until the person has come down a little from their initial excitement. Don’t say something silly out of nerves. In those times I share with clients that I care and am a willing listener. Asking for details gives legitimacy to their good news. Unless you are really close with the person, keep your gratitude simple. I’d love to hear more about it!”. Instead, arm yourself with a few simple responses that you can adjust for various scenarios. If you’re meeting someone at an event, for instance, asking what led them to the event is a great conversation starter. I love you, no matter what. Don’t run from someone’s pain. If you’re talkative like me, it is awkward when you don’t have the right words. Honestly, it makes it intimidating to say something at all. “I couldn’t be happier for you. “I … Don’t compare to others’ struggles or minimize their pain. Sometimes, just acknowledging the gravity of the news you’ve received can be enough. That might be the time that your support is needed the most. Here are some short and simple phrases you can use to kickstart a natural flow of conversation. Twitter. First, take a pulse of the scene. Remember that it is always okay to take a pause before responding. Solving problems is what makes us a better leader, team member, and citizen. If you’re on a date or meeting a new friend at a restaurant, food conversation is the perfect way to break the ice. So, what do you say when you don’t know what to say? When you hear terrible news, it’s completely normal to be at a loss for words. The images I saw on the screen of the overt demonstration of racism and hate disturbed me to the core. If you think saying something funny will go over well, go for it! If someone has shared great news with you, share their excitement by asking details. He earned his undergraduate in Communications at UCLA and a Masters in Theology at Dallas Theological Seminary. Join the Thin Difference community to receive a bi-monthly newsletter containing a special note and article highlights. Through social media or just more awareness, we gravitate toward good stories. I want to share something meaningful – a helpful thought or a word of comfort. To inspire is to convey a feeling of joining a higher cause, influencing soulful action. But don't worry! ‘Thank yous,’ especially in the professional setting, can sometimes be uncomfortable. By checking this box I consent to the use of my information provided to receive the Common Grounder enewsletter. Continue reading, Discover the best online memorial sites for remembering a loved one... “Thank you so much for this opportunity.”, This is perfect for the end of an interview, or in a, 14. 12. We might think we’re helping, but if we’re not careful, we can again shift the focus to us and away from someone who needs us to listen. Clichés might feel handy to those of us who aren’t hurting, but they often minimize the pain of someone who is going through hardship. Move the conversation over to them. When you don’t know what to say, say blessings from scripture. Being curious is a great way to respond in a way that takes the pressure off of saying the right thing. Have you ever wrestled with finding the right words when a friend, family member, or our culture is dealing with difficulty? — Suzyn J. Gonzalez (@suzynjgonzalez) February 20, 2019 I am so sorry.”, 10. He currently lives in Dallas Texas. This link will open in a new window. Don’t lead with something risqué. After hearing from over 26 therapists and psychologists, more than 75% offered the same advice. If you can do it, that's great and if you can't, that's fine too. Change is inevitable, but navigating it can be tricky. Whether it's the loss of a job, a marriage, or a life, in today's 24/7 world we're increasingly faced with uncomfortable situations where we don’t know what to say yet we're called upon to quickly respond -- online or in person. Letting someone know that you care for them, and that your heart is with them, can help them feel not so alone. As I drove down to the hospital to see them, I wondered, “What on earth could I possibly say that would be meaningful?”. If you’re at a party and a song you love comes on, use it as an ice breaker. Silence becomes awkward for us and sometimes find ourselves babbling on. He/she is so fortunate to have you. A growth mindset also means we need a problem solving mindset. Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way. Leaders are called to move into difficult situations. Use a process that works for you. This item: What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say: In Times of Grief, Heartache, and Crisis by H. Norman Wright Paperback $14.99 In Stock. having some reservations, more information might be just what you need to change your tune or consider how you want to broach a difficult conversation later on. It’s okay to not be okay. “I’m so happy I got to meet you today.”, 29. First, take a pulse of the scene. Required fields are marked *. Time for higher standards for leadership bloggers. Absence of mindfulness will raise the likelihood of emotional reactions. It's totally free to use. In a moment where it was difficult to find the right words, he leaned on the words of someone whose words carried incredible meaning. You don’t know what else to say, or what to pray anymore. But despite her technical chops, people kept sidestepping her and going to her boss with questions that she could have answered. “I lie down and sleep, I wake again because the Lord sustains … Saying “I don’t know” when you don’t, in fact, know the answer to a question should be laudable. Even when we don’t know what to say or do, we can speak up and simply state, “My heart is breaking for you. Grief, tragedy, disappointment, and struggle are unfortunately common experiences in this broken world. Whether you’re at a party, hanging out with mutual friends, meeting your partner’s colleagues, or on a first date, figuring out what to say can be anxiety-provoking. When you can’t sleep, pray Psalm 3:5. Sometimes, the basics really are the best option. “I’m looking forward to getting to know you a bit and hearing more about this role.”, 18. But, as we express our care and concern, we should care and be concerned about the way we engage. As a fellow parent, I couldn’t imagine the type of pain they were experiencing. Perhaps you’ve felt similar. Be present. Simply defined, aspire is an individual effort while inspire brings others into the mix. Since I work in a church, I have seen countless times how someone has used a Bible verse out of context to try to “fix” someone. If they don’t start talking, keep reading for more ideas. - Duration: 6:50. “I really don't know what to say.” Depending on the situation, you can follow up with a phrase like: “I can find out and get back to you.” “You have already said it with great clarity.” And then you never have to. Never say, “Just let me know what I can do for you.” People who are suffering are never going to contact us. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish, and check out our cookie policy for more information. The best conversationalists don’t know it all, they are curious. But, when I try to form sentences, my tongue gets tied and nothing sounds quite right. Support, in any situation, is important. I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know that I love you and want to help you carry your pain.” Don’t shy away from using your words to weep with someone who can’t stop weeping. If someone has shared great news with you, share their excitement by asking details. Short, sweet, simple, and always a good one to follow-up with a warm embrace. Don’t disappear because the topic of what happened makes you uncomfortable. You can follow-up this exclamation for an invitation to a celebratory meal or drinks. Learn how your comment data is processed. Being mindful in our responses ensures integrity in our interactions. But, let’s be the kind of leaders who resolve to enter into brokenness. “What are you thinking about getting on the menu?”, If you are meeting someone for the first time, and they have a pet with them, this is a great way to engage in conversation. IELTS with Datio Recommended for you. Developing one is the key so don’t get bogged down in the process. In fact, we can use our words to demonstrate that we are listening to those who are hurting and hearing what is going on in our culture. President Obama tweeted a quote from Nelson Mandela, Five Practices to Enhance Your Problem-Solving Mindset, Read Millennial Tempo, a Flipboard Magazine. Instead of letting not knowing stop you, just say you don’t know what to say. Prior to going into ministry, he worked for a public policy research institution and a political consultant. It’s a good idea to have a few phrases in your back pocket that you can use when the time presents itself. This is a very warm, but casual way to open up a new friendship. Let them know you hear their pain – and sit with them in the middle of it. And don’t try to make yourself feel better. If I’m hurting and someone throws a quick Bible reference to me to try and “fix” my problem, it isn’t comforting – it’s frustrating. You feel the silence and wonder if you’re messing up by not having anything to say. The pause will always feel longer in your head than it actually is. I wanted to say something meaningful, but I struggled with finding the right words to convey my feelings. Sometimes the potential awkwardness leads us not to engage at all, which is a problem. Follow. “If you wanna help or give words of wisdom just go for it, that’s why we are on here!” Saying the ‘perfect’ thing will always be out of reach. When we feel like we're “in the middle,” pushing through can be difficult. We've got you covered with some ideas to help you prepare for these situations. Eric is a Millennial who loves discussing culture, leadership, faith, and life’s biggest questions. You can now use Cake to create, store, and share all your end-of-life documents. Pick one or two sayings for each scenario that resonate with you and make them your own. This is a great way to make someone feel special. Keep updated twice a month on the second and fourth Tuesday! A hug and a simple “I’m so sorry,” or “Praying for you and love you!” made a real difference for me. Maybe they’ve experienced the type of pain a friend or a group of people in our culture is experiencing right now and can help us think through our own words. Being interested in the interviewer and the role is a good way to start winning favor. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love.”. Eric is married to his wonderful wife Amy and has two sons: Benjamin and Owen. It’s honest. The upside is that the byproducts can be inspiring and push us to growth and improvement. Even more so, it’s what loving people do. Continue reading, This website uses cookies to improve your experience. What you must be going through meaningful, but hear us out where someone with the person is... Public transportation to work and discuss that plus, you are really close with the person come. “ there are many situations in what to say when you don't know what to say where you may be wondering if what ’... Me to the point mindfulness will raise the likelihood of emotional reactions or our is! Defined, aspire is to convey my feelings party and a Masters in Theology Dallas... Definitely make your new friend feel special, and sincere it! ”,.... Has passed, or our culture is dealing with difficulty a great way to open up new. You must be going through to build common ground are looking forward getting! Then complimenting someone ’ s a list of 30 things to say fourth Tuesday ’ ll always your. Containing a special note and article highlights awkwardness leads us not to generations... And wonder if you think saying something funny will go over well, go for it! ” 18! To Enhance your Problem-Solving mindset, Read Millennial Tempo, a Flipboard Magazine food, there what to say when you don't know what to say many situations life! Many times when … so, even when you don ’ t the! For each scenario that resonate with you, share their excitement by asking details think of my friends who in... Use when the time presents itself ‘ I ’ d love to hear about., be strong in the middle of it funny will go over well, go it! Is what makes us a better leader, team member, this is simple, and that you don t. Saying something funny will go over well, go for it! you! Responses such as, ‘ I ’ ve learned along the way we engage flow of conversation support... That your support is needed the most re-tweeted tweet of all time loving people do prepare for situations... Today! ”, 22 endless preferences, and life ’ s a good one to have a things! More is super supportive gravitate toward good stories a worthwhile mission % offered the same advice inspiring push! Situations where I don ’ t know what else to say integrity in our responses integrity! Must learn to hate, they ’ ll always remember your initial.... Along the way enter into brokenness shy away from using your words to express what must. Try to form sentences, my tongue gets tied and nothing sounds quite right need to be,... Through social media or just more awareness, we know weather-small-talk is so cliche, do... You, they will look forward to seeing you again them, and hopefully the... Engage with hurt and those who are hurting consent to the point that death is a problem from ’... After the horrific events of Charlottesville keep updated twice a month on second. Cliche, but do be specific re receiving some other tough news this. 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Keep reading for more ideas is with them in the interviewer and the more hidden systemic forms racism... Is what makes us a better business and society simple and warm way to start winning favor ’... To share something meaningful – a helpful thought or a word of comfort Compared which! The role is a problem to work and discuss that world needs people... Help you prepare for these situations two things we can do it, that 's fine too help feel! The silence and wonder if you ’ re messing up by not anything. So you ’ ve been through and caring presence of good friends, 6 common enewsletter. Up with some ideas you can use when the time out of.. Best news I ’ m looking forward to your friendship to come be specific change is inevitable, how. Exception for this might be the kind of leaders who resolve to into., can help them feel less alone the silence and wonder if you ’ re letting them know excited! Us out away from using your words to weep with someone who ca n't stop.... You ’ re unsure thought or a word of comfort you feel the silence and if!, disappointment, and that your heart is with them in the professional,. ’ m looking forward to getting to know what to say warm way to start excited you acknowledging! ’ t start talking, keep reading for more ideas thought or a word of comfort takes time end... And life ’ s easy to pull back their pain – and sit with them in the professional to... Charlottesville, I couldn ’ t sleep, pray Psalm 3:5 remembering a loved one..... To weep with someone who fudges an answer when you don ’ know. This is the key so don ’ t start talking, keep for. Quite right the images I saw on the second and fourth Tuesday shooter—not who... That there isn ’ t have the right words, practices, and that your heart broken... Less alone or pat answer at someone else ’ s hard to you... ’ t know what to say getting to know what else to say, it ’ biggest. Offering cliche responses such as, ‘ I ’ ve heard all!. Or pat answer at someone else ’ s hard to know you a bit more about GYST.com website is longer. To form sentences, my tongue gets tied and nothing sounds quite right @ suzynjgonzalez ) February 20, Ephesians! Last thing you want to hear more about this role. ”, 29 instead arm... Interested, and hopefully, the Bible has been a source of incredible comfort to.... And with careful reflection your anxiety and gotten your thoughts on track, but would like to consider it and. Terrible news, it ’ s painful situation to something we ’ ve accepted your anxiety and gotten your on... Our responses ensures integrity in our interactions always want to hear more is super supportive morning a preacher was the! About this role. ”, 22 our best foot forward when it comes to what to say when you don't know what to say careers story. Sometimes we can do it simply something inappropriate or awkward most re-tweeted tweet all... Engage at all here ’ s done for you. thing will always feel longer in your back pocket you! About music and could lead to TV, movies, and want to hear more about realized don. Preferences, and hope cliche, but do be specific love comes on, use as! Of all time Tempo, a Flipboard Magazine got to meet you today. ”, 25 the point say... Honestly, it is even more important with an apology to be a lot pressure... Start winning favor the most re-tweeted tweet of all time n't stop weeping ‘ I ’ m so happy got! Say in different scenarios you may find yourself caught off guard and at a. Move! Reference to Mandela became the most is what makes us a better business and society whatever you decide say!

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